Martha, it is not a name to forget or even live in the forgotten memories of my mind. The woman behind this name has left, and I cannot stop the consequences. I do not desire to do what makes me not to lose control. The control over my emotions! It has always been like this that I should control my emotions, these do not make this world a place for the people, who believed that the world could be a better place. Far from the good and the bad, this world has everything one human can desire. I do not feel I am of the human clan. The reasons are not even in understanding. What comes to a mind that never seen the darkest desires of a person when the mind is exposed to the unlimited possibilities of a human in disguise? That’s scary for some, that’s the reality for some.
Martha showed me the world I never understood. I remember when she walks through the entrance of the ten-floored, glass designed building. I was there, just by the door, standing to take an exit to be on the regular smoke place. Might be, I lost my need not to control my emotions that day. She was a woman; I could not get out of my mind. I desired to share my coffee with her. I wished to take her home and show her my collection of fashion magazines. Yes, she was an actress, looking herself in the modeling industry. And, without wasting a single thought, I could hire her for any job I could get. I craved to know her.
I wanted to know how she made her hair; how she’s worn the blue-black shaded dress with such elegancy. It was the rarest moment because I never desired to know about a woman as such. I had work to do. I had fashion articles to write. I had the imagination to please my desires. Then, what took my mind with such attention that I could not think of anything else, but her. It was not lust. It was not love. It was not the mere silly feelings a man could have. I desired her to be on my study table; bent through the waist; hands on the table; breathing in suspense of what coming next, I just did not desire her. My heartfelt she could become the woman I needed in my life. I could describe her physical sanctuary in the simple words I could write; five feet two inches tall, brunette, thin fingers, lusty lips like painted over the world to kiss; broad eyes like the heavenly fire carved them; temple as the only left beauty of centuries. And, I craved her to get on her knees and seduce me.
I stood near the entrance for the time to see her exit from the same entrance. Damn! My feelings overtook me, and I had no one to wake me up from the dream I was going to sleep for. I began to think of the words I could feel to say to her. I wanted to spend time with her. And, I could leave this world just to listen to her for moments in the years to come. I could feel that I wanted to take her for a coffee and talk about the darkest things in the world. I craved to see her blush with each word she could say. I wanted to imagine on the place; what would be she wearing inside her dress; would she tell me how she moans the loudest; would she be interested in sharing her lust with me to create an aroma of pain and pleasure; how she would smile when her hands are tied up behind her back. All I wanted from her was to trust me.
Call the coincidence or some shitty belief of the people, and I got a call.
“Where the fuck is you dying on work time, Samuel? An aspiring model was here, asking about you. She looks into you. Who the hell is she?” Rona, a married woman, a dearest friend, and my boss said over the phone.
“I’m downstairs, having my break. What did you say her name is?”
“Martha! See her if you want. She seems to know you for long. She said that if I could give her message to you, then that message told him to put his best face.”
“Okay, thanks! I will be back tomorrow. I got something to look after.”
No! No fucking way! She could survive the fire. Nobody did survive that fire that night. The horrors of my past came rushing, asking the questions which no one ever asked. I should know who she was.
Just then, call it God’s revenge, I saw her, walking towards the exit. With left energy in my lungs, I called to her. She turned to me and there she seemed familiar. And, I was unaware of her real self. She came running in the smallest steps of a woman I could see with my own eyes. It was if I was watching her change with each step. I could not know from which part of the world she survived.
“Samuel! How’s you after all these years?” Martha said with a smile. And, she made me feel like I needed to tie her hands right now.
“I’m doing the best I could. Do I know you, Martha?” I tried not to show how I felt. I was feeling like I was standing naked in the middle of a street with an erection.
“Yes, you know me. We spent years together to survive the cage.” She answered with such serene tone that burnt me through the hell’s hire, what I should do to take her down the street and kill her.
“It seems you are mistaking in remembering the person you want to see for further connections. I am just a writer for a ruthless fashion mogul,” I played the nice face. “If it’s appropriate, we can talk somewhere better, miss Martha.”
“Yes, sure! We can like always. I remember your tricks to see inside a woman. I am still alive to know you changed or not.” She drafted the words on me as if there was no one around and she could ask me to beg her to stop whatever she was doing.
“My place has a nice coffee shop down the building. Would you be comfortable in getting there to talk and leave for good?” I placed the risk on the table for her.
“Do you still drive or you want me to drive there? I am not going to take public transport with you for sure.”
“Yeah! You can drive, then.”
Martha turned and walked towards the exit. I followed her, thinking about all the people I knew from that place I burnt down. She talked to like I knew her from there. And, there was only one woman, who knew what I needed to do. I gave her the safest place to hide if things came as not suitable to run out.
It took us half and an hour to reach the place. During the drive, we shared glances, which scared both of us. If she was the woman, I thought she was. Then I should tell her that I never wanted to burn down the place. I needed to go out of that place to become what I am today. I did not expect her to understand what I did. I never expected anyone to know what I did and why. Though, I, still, desired to get on her knees. I felt the insatiable scratching on my hands.
“You never felt to go back there and see what you left. I went a hard time finding you, and you don’t want to know me or even see me in the eyes. Are you that much guilty for that night?” Martha took her coffee cup in the hands and tried to strike up the left conversation.
“What I did that night was to burn the place that made me suffer for the things I never did. Now, I crave to do them. I desire to see in the darkness of a person, and it helps me to stay at peace. I don’t remember you. I am sorry if you feel you are the most important person of the past I should keep in my mind.” I felt my throat went dry to make me dead. Why did I still feeling to ask her to have sex with me?
“It’s good you still crave for them. I am here for them. And, for that place, it was coming to an end. You just made sure that no one ever sees what they were doing there.” She held my hand, and that felt like love.
“You should go. It is better this way that I think about them and not do them in real. Not everyone is in that much pain to heal through the submission and domination I can offer for life.” I took a sip of the lemon water from the table.
Now, I was seeing her in the eyes. I could see the same pain and darkness I had. She was the woman I asked to stay with me, and she left to hide behind the faces of her life. She did not want to leave the suffering and pain she was getting there. We helped each other to heal in the times of darkness and got apart for a single grain of hope we shared.
“We are free now. If you desire someone, then tell her. She would leave or stay to understand. You respect whatever the fuck you come through. You accept the darkness a woman fears the most. You accept her.” She spoke of the words that never desired attention.
“Okay! You will leave after what you have come for. I don’t want to destroy the fakeness over the darkness I carry. Let’s go upstairs and see what you have got.” I let the desires drive me now. It was better for everyone.
All the way to the room, I had got the past flashes. And, I felt it was not me who wanted the place in ruins. I saw her in the flashes; asking me to ease her pain. It was the only way for us to heal ourselves. I saw a man, holding a whip, whipping a woman’s ass and there was happiness. A rare feeling of lostness to understand the way we became.
“Do you still pain for coming back from death?” She asked as soon as she sat on the study chair.
“Everyday! But I feel that it has stopped bothering me. It feels like I was born again and I need to understand that I should wait for my death again. This is how a child learns, forgets, and live the years to claim the world.” I said while finding the blindfold in the drawer.
“Then, why do we have such needs to survive?”
“Because we remember the feeling of pain that could not go away. Life is the part of death, and we just suffered the greatest pain.” I said while tying her eyes through the red blindfold.
“I looked for other people, and they are not the same as us. I always desired your touch. I don’t love you; the people love each other. It is more than the words. We feel it.” She confessed, kissing my hands.
“Now, I want you to obey me. My voice is the only voice you need to hear.”
“Remove your clothes, slowly and gently. Don’t let them hurt you. The only touch you need is of me.”
“Take deep breathes, and as I am placing my hand over your ass cheek, you will feel an escape from the pain you bear.”
I spanked her cheeks for six times without missing a breath.
“Do you want me to continue?” Following a spank.
“Do you want me to do it hard?” Following a spank and a teasing of her vagina.
“Do you want me to fuck you?”
“How do you feel now?” I was taking deep strokes, clutching her ass cheeks as hard as I could.
“I feel better with your touch. Keep doing the things you crave with me.”
“Do you want me to cum inside you?”
“Yes! Yes! I’m yours.” I finished inside her. I saw her breaking down on her knees with orgasm after I cum inside her.
“Hug me, Martha! Stand up and kiss me.”
“No need to act anymore! We got what we need, Samuel.” She hugged tight. I did not want her to go. She left once with that fire.
“This is how we love each other and get free of our pain.”
“Don’t speak now. Just stay with me.” She spoke her heart and drove to sleep that she needed after a day’s hectic work in the office above me.
“I just wanted you to know that whatever we play as the people we want. We stay together.”
Martha, it is a name to love or even live in the memories of my mind. The woman behind this name is sleeping beside me, and I cannot stop the consequences of falling in love once again.