The term “unstable relationships” refer to the extreme relationship feelings gap that grows toxic over time for mental patients. It is one of the nines diagnostic symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Usually, people with borderline personality disorder feels chronic emptiness and instability in maintaining a relationship. Be it the friend or a family member, and the aloofness is present in each attachment in the life. It feels like you are the centre of a pain’s kingdom, and anyone who comes close is to going to leave. In most cases, a relationship does not last for more than one year. Either the person will feel dreadful, or the other person will see, this relationship is not worth more time in their life.
According to Help Guide, unstable relationships defines that people with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing that each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. These relationships are either perfect or horrible. There is no place for middle ground. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash that forces them to stay or leave.
This is a saddening feeling, and whenever a person leaves for people with BPD, it feels like the whole world is trying to destroy them. It is not about playing the perfect boyfriend, husband, or mother or daughter. The feeling that everything is dying is taking over when a feeling like love has no place to seek its validation. Some people describe their life without a relationship as limited, anti-social, and even unreliable.
What gives these relationships instability? The very first reason is mood swings. People with BPD experience intense feelings and emotions and these are not as the undescribed living plan. They do not know what may trigger them and what would be their reaction. People on medication or different therapies often say that their relationship time has changed from one year to two years, but the reality is depressing for them. Relationships don’t last.
The idealisation and devaluation process, a splitting behaviour that can last for weeks. For example, as a person with BPD, you met a person who knows how you feel and will react and understand how to stay with you. However, when that person does something as even not picking up the dishes after dinner, then you would feel that person is changed or worse, the person is going to leave you. The missing link of emotional regulation plays different parts in a relationship, and it takes time for a person with BPD to trust the other person because people left when they become sick or could not cope on daily life.
Each relationship is a complicated web of feelings that are not going to untangle with distrust and stress.
Three Things You Can Do for Stable Relationships
Learn more about your triggers in a relationship.
Learn about calming yourself in a social setting with that person.
Learn about Mindfulness to stay aware of your chronic emptiness.
Three Quotes on Unstable Relationships
This piece is written in continuation with Fear of Abandonment | The First Brutal Stone of Borderline Personality Disorder. Suggestions are welcome.